The last time I sat in the Las Vegas Airport I wrote a blog about my attempt to complete a 1/2 Ironman distance triathlon.  While that was a marvelous experience, I can’t say I was heading back to Tucson feeling quite as renewed as I do today.  The last 3 days has been filled with beauty that goes beyond any words. There is no creation quite like what I just experienced.  On Tuesday we started the week at Zion National Park hiking to Emerald Pools, the Grotto and to the entrance of The Narrow.  Zion NP was named by someone who believed it was a place of sanctuary.  And it is.   The next day we went to Bryce Canyon National Park which is extraordinary in a completely different way.  With rock formations like spires coming out of the ground (technically called Hoodoos) it was difficult to tear my eyes away.  Our third day we hiked The Narrows, which is the passageway the Virgin River carved, creating slot canyons with walls higher than I ever could have imagined.  The water was flowing as we hiked through to the point where we stopped and had lunch.  The entire trip I had one overwhelming thought:  Thanks be to God.

Creation is an amazing gift that we have been offered.  There is so much to see…so many colors…so many opportunities to stretch your body, imagination, and spirit.  I feel a great sense of urgency to explore and learn all that God has given me.  Where will our next trip take us?  As I think about this question, I’m ready to go again next week.  Here’s the list of places that I’m desperate to see before my time on Earth is through:  All the National Parks (which will take me to most states), Italy, Ireland, France, Germany, Prague, and somewhere in Africa (I haven’t thought of this carefully enough to know exactly where in Africa).  Wow…that’s quite the travel bucket list!  I better get going!

Here’s your chance to weigh in.  What is the most creation rich place you’ve ever visited?  I’m not looking for places like “Disneyland” or “New York City”.  Help me understand where I will experience the best part of God’s creation.  Where can I be active…hiking, cycling, running?  I’ll add it to the list and if you’re lucky, maybe we’ll go visit this place together.  Thanks for your help as I revel in the mystery and beauty that is creation.

Three separate and seemingly unrelated experiences today reminded me of the beauty of life…

Waiting for food at a local restaurant I spied a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen for years…well, maybe only 18 months.  I knew that he and his wife had recently had a baby and I was so excited to see all of them on the opposite side of the room.  I was even more excited to see their newborn was with them sleeping peacefully in the booth.  They joyfully let me hold her and take her to my table while they ate a few bites with the ease new parents are not accustomed to experiencing.  It was one of the highlights of my day.  She was so precious in my arms and I marveled at how just yesterday I held Addison in my arms the same way…

…and now Addison is 10.  She finished grade school today.  She proudly represented her class by making a speech to the hundreds of people who were present.  She walked across the stage as they called her name.  She was ready to leave Elementary School as a thing of the past.  She is a child of relentless forward motion.  I marvel at her self confidence, joy and innocence.  I pray she is able to keep her confidence even when she fails miserably because she’s trying to experience so many new things that are outside of her comfort zone.  I long for her to remain joyful as she lives life to the fullest.  I want her to remain innocent, yet wise in the ways of the world.  I hope she is always open to talking to me about what’s happening in her life with her friends….and school…and sex…and boys…and God.  I want her to be able to tell me everything (ok…maybe not everything), but at least the important stuff.

I talked about some important stuff with my uncle yesterday and received a text from him today that told me there had been no change in my grandma’s status.  She’s been unresponsive for three days now without food or drink.  Her breathing is more shallow and the moments in between breaths are further apart.  She is likely hours or days away from taking her final breath.  She’s ready.  So is my uncle.  So am I.  She has lived an amazing 94 years, loving people to the best of her abilities.  She didn’t always get it right.  None of us do.  She was a fearless follower of Jesus who was a prayer warrior to the very end.  Somehow at this stage in her life I believe she’s still praying and that God is still listening.

At the beginning of life, in the middle and at the end God grants us the grace to experience joy unspeakable and sorrow because a life was lived well.  God allows us to celebrate markers as we move from one stage of life to the next, always carving out the path we follow.  God picks us up when we make mistakes and provides opportunities to step boldly into the future to fearlessly follow all that God has in store for us.

A little while ago, St. Paul’s Preschool offered their end of the year program to parents, grandparents and friends all rubber-necking from the pews trying to get a glance of their child’s smile. The ratio of cameras to adults was about 2:1.  Since Brendan is the 3rd child, I was the only parent in the room without a camera…a sad thought since my primary camera is my iPhone.  After singing songs like “If I Were a Butterfly”, “Catalina Magdalena”  and “I’m Bringing Home my Baby Bumblebee”, parents beamed with joy at their child’s accomplishments as the children waved to the adults who were present supporting their efforts.  The joy in the room was palpable.

When was the last time you experienced that level of joy?  I’m not talking about the fleeting smile or giggle…I’m talking about the deep joy that comes from knowing that for any given moment all is right with the world.  Joy that allows you to know that God is good, even when everything else is not.  Joy that rises from your toes, overwhelms your body with goosebumps and flows from your fingertips for all to see?

When I look at the topic of joy throughout scripture (there are 333 references in the New Living Translation…I did not read them all) it is apparent that joy is not dependent upon our circumstances.  Joy comes as we praise God, recognize our blessings, know we are forgiven, follow God’s ways, see joy in other people, and trust in God.  It then goes without saying that our lives could be crumbling around us and we could still be as joyful as a 4 year old singing his heart out before God and his parents.

Life is likely to rob us of joy.  The daily grind of cooking, cleaning, working, shuffling kids, homework and picking up after the dog can certainly do a number on our joy-o-meter.  As we go throughout this day and every day, let’s focus on the joy that is ours, supplied by God out of God’s infinite goodness towards us.

It’s 5:08 a.m.  I’m up getting ready to go teach a cycling class at LA Fitness.  If I weren’t teaching I’d likely be attending a class.  If I wasn’t attending a class I’d be running in the desert.  Some have said that I’m an exercise addict.  Some might be right…but there are worse things to be addicted to, right?

I absolutely love to exercise.  I love how my body feels when it’s moving and being pushed to its limits.  I love sweating because my heart rate is raised.  I love going from place to place on my feet or my bike, not depending upon other methods of transportation.  I haven’t always felt this way.  For the most part, I grew up inside.  I never saw a trail when I was a kid.  I played a season of softball without much impression.  I wasn’t a runner and only rode my pink 10 speed bike on special occasion.

I began exercising casually when I was in college.  I took a couple of exercise classes and went to the rec center every once in a while.  I ran my first 5K when I lived in Texas.  It was fun, but not life changing.  It was the influence of Billy Still that brought to life my passion for distance events.  Billy talked about the adventures he had on the trails.  He encouraged me to look into the Team in Training program to train for my first marathon.  I did…and along with 3 of my friends from St. Paul’s, we completed our first marathon in 2001.  It was life changing.  For the girl who had rarely moved her body to have completed a 26.2 mile run…well…it’s still hard for me to put into words how I am different.

One of the most powerful ways I was changed by completing that event was that I became passionate about exercising.  I realized I could do amazing things with my body and that I loved doing them.  Now I’ve been to places people can’t reach in motorized vehicles.  I’ve been to places that are remote and far from a road.  I’ve used snow as my water source.  I’ve completed two 50 mile trail races!  How many people can say that??

All of this brings me joy.  What unexpected new thing can bring you joy today?  It might not be some form of exercise…but it might be.  It might be developing a talent that’s been dormant for years.  It might be picking up the phone and reconnecting with someone who used to be important to you.  Whatever your joy…whatever your passion…run towards it, never away from it.  Experience the sheer joy that comes from living abundantly, doing what God created you to do!!

I knew it was bound to happen one day.  Billy always says, if you enter enough difficult events you’re likely to not finish some of them.  And so it was today.  I began the Rage Triathlon at Lake Mead in Nevada, hoping to break the time of my two previous half-ironman distance triathons of 7:45 (yes, I’m slow…and steady) and I finished instead by missing the bike cut off by 25 minutes.  Next to my name in some official time sheet it will say DNF–Did Not Finish.

So, what happened?  Here’s my race report:  We all woke up (Billy was doing the event with me and Ann was joyfully offering her supportive smile & sense of eternal goodness) at 4:00, got our things together and headed towards the starting area at 5:00.  It was dark, but well marked.  I set up everything in my transition area with precision.  It was very strange and exciting to me that I didn’t feel the anticipatory dread and inferiority that I’ve felt in other races.  I felt like I belonged with the group of people gathered to do this race.  I knew that I belonged at this event, even if I was slightly under trained, especially for the swim.

My swimming wave started at 6:40 and even though the water was a chilly 59 degrees, I jumped in without hesitation.  This is completely unlike me, the chicken when it comes to cold water.  I keep telling myself that I’m becoming a great swimmer. Perhaps that’s true in the pool, but in open water it’s a different story.  I struggled to finish the swim, but came out of the water in 55 minutes.

With the wetsuit stripped off, I transitioned to the bike with ease and set out on the most grueling course I’ve ever attempted.  As an out and back, I climbed a cumulative 6200 feet.  This all might have been well and good if it hadn’t been for the cross winds like I’ve never experienced.  There were moments I had to struggle to keep my bike upright.  I mistakenly thought that the winds were a headwind on the way out…imagine my surprise when they didn’t turn into a fabulous tailwind on the way back!    Once I noticed I was going to time out I enjoyed the scenic ride through Lake Mead Recreational Area in the Mohave desert. The desert was lovely, but also completely exposed.  I can definitely tell the few parts of my arms that didn’t quite receive enough 70 spf sunscreen. Beet red!!

Billy came off the bike a little while after me.  Two others who came in after me started the run and I didn’t see them come back into transition so I assume the race officials let them run.  I think if I had started the run I could have finished…that’s easy to say without having done it, huh?  But I definitely did the right thing by stopping when I did.  I was completely wasted after the swim & ride.  I had nothing left in the tank.

So, what did I learn in my first DNF? I learned that it’s ok to not finish.  It doesn’t speak to my character or even my fitness level.  It just wasn’t my day…wasn’t my course.  It’s not about the event, it’s about the training…which is to say it’s not about the destination…it’s about the journey.  I can still say I had a great day and a wonderful experience testing my body.  I got to hang out with good friends doing what we love to do.  God’s creation is marvelous and I’m thankful that I got to experience it in this way.

Would I do another triathlon?  Now that I’m the much wiser age of 40, I realize that I have the opportunity to do what I absolutely love to do with my body and that’s trail running.  I also like riding my bike.  I do not enjoy swimming in open water.  Why would I do something that I don’t enjoy doing?  Someone might be able to convince me in the future to throw my hat into the world of triathlons again, but it would take some convincing.  I think it’s safe to say you can see me on the trails from now on…so, happy trails to you!

In my ministry at St. Paul’s, one of my favorite responsibilities is officiating memorial services.  It’s an odd thought.  I find the ability to meet people in their deepest moments of grief and help them experience their loved one’s life on earth and life beyond as a celebration of God’s grace is a beautiful gift and honor.  When I think about the upcoming changes in my family’s life, I feel a similarity to memorial services.  As we prepare to leave St. Paul’s after 14 years of ministry and head toward a new calling & adventure in Sahuarita with the people of Santa Cruz Valley UMC, I am experiencing great celebration and grief at the exact same time.

Yesterday was  my day to cry.  The flood gates opened and the river poured over my face.  It was the first time that I’ve felt deep distress over the realization that the people of St. Paul’s are not going to be an intimate part of my day to day life.  What a blessing that my grief is so very real.  What if I had worked someplace for 14 years and simply slipped away not feeling as if the people made a difference in my life?  As I think about Mark Conrad, the current pastor at Santa Cruz Valley UMC, I hope his grief is poignant  and real, too.  That means that the people of his church mattered to him.  St. Paul’s will mourn.  Santa Cruz Valley will mourn.  It means that our lives mattered to each other–there is no greater expression of our faith than to say that human beings have loved each other to the point of grief in their separation.

At the same time I want you to know that I fantasize about my first Sunday at Santa Cruz Valley.  What will I say? What will I wear?  Will I wear any makeup?  How will I dress the kids?  How early should I arrive?  How do I hold back all that I think it’s important that they know about me?  Can the service really be 2 hours long because I’m so excited to be in the front of a new church that I might just talk forever?  Wow.  It’s too much to think about!

I hope that as you consider changes in your life you will be able to fully mourn and fully celebrate all that God has offered you in the midst of transition.  God is present in our grief and joy, urging us forward to greatness!

Earlier this week I was wearing bike shorts getting ready to go on a ride.  Addison asked me if we could go shopping together later on that evening.  I told her I’d love to, but she’d have to be ok with me looking for a few things for myself.  I needed to buy new shorts because my thighs are a bit bigger this year than last.  (I work very hard to say things like this neutrally in front of Addison so she knows I think about such things, but without judgement.)  She said, “Yeah, momma.  It looks like you have a bunion on your thigh.”  I asked her what she’s talking about and she grabbed the fleshy part of my saddlebags and said, “Right here.  This sticks out like the bunion on your foot!”  I started laughing hysterically because of her creativity…and truth.

This got me to thinking, how do we choose to respond to what others say to us?  Sometimes I find that I’m so sensitive that I internalize everything that could be construed as even slightly negative.  At other times I can laugh off comments that I know aren’t ill intended, albeit thoughtless.  An emotion that doesn’t sit well with me is anger and infrequently my reaction to negative comments is simply that…I get mad.  What’s your response…and are you ok with that response?

If you’re not ok with your anger or the difficulty that comes with internalizing negative comments, I’m not sure what the answer is.  But at some point I know we have a choice.  At some point in life, as we mature and grow in self confidence, we can choose to laugh hysterically at the ridiculousness of other people’s comments.  It’s a gift of God to offer grace to others, even those who cause us difficulty.  Choose grace…laughter…goodness…love!!

St. Paul’s hosted a huge crowd on Easter Sunday!  What a blessing it was to worship with everyone…singing some of my favorite hymns that we won’t sing again until this time next year.  In one of my more self-centered moments I wondered how many people came to worship scoping out whether or not I was wearing makeup.  Certainly this didn’t cross people’s minds, until several people commended me for not going back to make up because, in fact, my friends, I DID NOT WEAR MAKEUP TO CHURCH ON EASTER SUNDAY!!!  It was a great feeling to not put on makeup because I chose to rather than not wearing it because I wasn’t permitted to wear it for 40 days (plus Sundays).  Now, don’t read too much into that last sentence.  I know it was my choice to engage in this practice throughout Lent.  In my mind, though,  I had to decided I wasn’t permitted to wear it during Lent or I easily could have had a lip gloss slip.

I have gone back to using night time products and my face is much happier for it in the morning.  The dry desert air does nothing for the moisture in my skin, so I am thankful for the 12 layers of protection that I’ve started applying once again.  I also did use a little bit of hair smoothing cream on Sunday morning.  I have every intention of coloring the big patch of grey hair in the middle of my forehead…but not quite yet.  As far as makeup goes, I’m not done with it forever, but I have turned the corner truly believing that I don’t need it.  I am content with how I look when I smile at myself in the mirror.  It’s clear that the people who matter most think I don’t need any enhancements to my face.  I’m happy with the natural glow that accents my cheeks.  I have learned that I am me and I am good enough for…well…I’m just enough.

One thing I’ve decided is to keep blogging on a regular basis.  How about once a week?  I’ll make the focus of my blog “Seeing the world through spiritual eyes.”  This way I can blog about everything from exercise, to healthy eating…parenting to ministry.  If you have any topics for me to tackle, just let me know.  Thanks for reading.  And thanks for guiding me through this much rewarding Lenten practice.  Here’s to realizing we’re all enough!!!

41 days without makeup and non hygienic beauty products

I’ve been out of touch for a few days, haven’t I?  Such is the life of a pastor in the weeks leading up to Easter.  As I consider this week in the life of the Christian calendar, the first theme that comes to mind is sacrifice.  I recall the great sacrifice that was made on my behalf so that I would not be subject to a life of guilt and shame, but one of freedom and abundance.  Wow, what a great life I have.  My life truly is characterized by freedom and abundance. As I think of this in terms of my Lenten fast, I have the freedom to boldly walk away from those things that might be holding me back, or hindering me in some way.  In terms of makeup I realize that I have the choice to not wear makeup.  Not all women feel that this choice is available to them.  This is heartbreaking to me.

Ladies, we all have this choice.  No one is forcing us to wear makeup…not our culture…not our friends…not the media. The only ones forcing us to wear makeup is the voice inside our heads telling us that we’re not good enough without makeup.  It is my sincere hope that if you learned anything from my blog or from my Lenten experience it is this:  the only reason you ought to wear makeup is for you.  If it helps you feel better about yourself and your appearance…if it gives you an ounce of extra confidence, go for it.  If you feel like you’re wearing makeup because you don’t have any other choice, please re-examine your practice.  It can be life giving.

Many people have started asking me if I’m going to go back to wearing makeup.  While I’m not sure I’ve completely answered this question, here are my thoughts as of Monday, March 25th:

• There are varying degrees of how much makeup one wears.  For me, I think my options are to not wear makeup at all, to have a casual look, a professional look and a “going out at night” look.  What is appropriate for one context doesn’t work in every context.  Just like I carefully choose my clothing choices for work and play and especially for Sunday mornings, my makeup look can  and should change as well.
• For good or for ill, in our culture wearing makeup appropriately communicates competency, trustworthyness, and attractiveness.  There are clearly times in my life when these characteristics are the ones I want and need to portray.  If makeup helps this I’m all for receiving a little assistance from the lipstick.
• On Sunday mornings, when I seek to look my best, makeup is very much a part of the complete presentation I want to portray from the front of the church.  It feels awkward and incomplete to wear my fabulous peep toe high heels without mascara.
• Finally, my skin genuinely feels better in the morning and all day long when I use additional products.  Whether these are anti-aging products or extra moisturizers, I will definitely go back to using these products on Sunday.

What a journey it’s been.  It’s not over yet.  I want to remain open to learning more about the world around me and how I fit into it during this last week of Lent.  May God speak to each of us on the road to resurrection.

I found an article in the New York Times that was quite surprising. The title alone (my blog’s title) caught my attention.  The article’s reporting made my mouth gape open.  I’ve cut out the unnecessaries so you can get the gist of the premise: